I have been thinking about starting a blog for such a LONG time, but I’ve been so fearful of doing it. A part of me wonders if I have much to say. I know that is not true, I have a lot to say actually. I know this because when it comes to writing, I could literally write for hours, but it took me many years to realize this about myself.
I remember when I was in grade school, a friend of mine, Lindsey, gave me a beautiful journal. It was hard bound, glossy, with a decorative maroon, marble patter on the front. When closed, the pages had a gold trim and the word “Journal” was etched in gold on the spine. I LOVED that journal. I loved the possibility of the blank page. BUT, I could never figure out what I wanted to write about! It felt so silly to write about school drama, plus I was scared my older brother would get to it and make fun of it. I would write, cross stuff out, and rip out pages. It would be years later before I could start to really write in a journal.
My dad gave me a journal when I was in my mid-twenties. At the time, I was studying for my MFA in photography. My dad wrote an inscription saying he felt that the journal could be a good place to write about my photography. I did write in it for a time about my photography, but also about current boyfriend troubles as well. This journal was red with a gold star imprinted on its spine. I would write on and off in it for several months, but eventually the habit stopped.
It wasn’t until I moved to NYC that I really picked up journal writing as a habit. I can’t even remember what prompted me to start writing, but I did. And I wrote, and wrote, and wrote. I would literally go to my favorite cafe, The Hungarian Pastry Shop, and write for two hours every morning. I filled up my red journal, and then a blue journal, black journal, pink journal, and a journal with a garden design in the course of three years. Some of what I wrote was very repetitive… my stress and concern regarding my career, my dating life, my friends, everything. Every thought, every worry I had starting from age 30 is recorded.
So writing is now very much a habit and form of therapy for me. I decided to start writing a blog as a more public way to express this obsession of mine. Also, hopefully it will offer some more structure. In my private journals I tend to write my thoughts without any clear order. In this blog, I am hoping to work more with some kind of an outline, hopefully to even write engaging stories and prose. So here is my first entry! I’m hitting publish before I even have a chance to think it twice (spelling mistakes, grammatical mistakes, typos be damned! At least for this first entry!).