Where It All Started

I have been thinking about starting a blog for such a LONG time, but I’ve been so fearful of doing it.  A part of me wonders if I have much to say.  I know that is not true, I have a lot to say actually.  I know this because when it comes to writing, I could literally write for hours, but it took me many years to realize this about myself.

I remember when I was in grade school, a friend of mine, Lindsey, gave me a beautiful journal.  It was hard bound, glossy, with a decorative maroon, marble patter on the front.  When closed, the pages had a gold trim and the word “Journal” was etched in gold on the spine.  I LOVED that journal.  I loved the possibility of the blank page.  BUT, I could never figure out what I wanted to write about!  It felt so silly to write about school drama, plus I was scared my older brother would get to it and make fun of it.  I would write, cross stuff out, and rip out pages.  It would be years later before I could start to really write in a journal.

My dad gave me a journal when I was in my mid-twenties.  At the time, I was studying for my MFA in photography.  My dad wrote an inscription saying he felt that the journal could be a good place to write about my photography.  I did write in it for a time about my photography, but also about current boyfriend troubles as well.  This journal was red with a gold star imprinted on its spine.  I would write on and off in it for several months, but eventually the habit stopped.

It wasn’t until I moved to NYC that I really picked up journal writing as a habit.  I can’t even remember what prompted me to start writing, but I did.  And I wrote, and wrote, and wrote.  I would literally go to my favorite cafe, The Hungarian Pastry Shop, and write for two hours every morning.  I filled up my red journal, and then a blue journal, black journal, pink journal, and a journal with a garden design in the course of three years.  Some of what I wrote was very repetitive… my stress and concern regarding my career, my dating life, my friends, everything.  Every thought, every worry I had starting from age 30 is recorded.

So writing is now very much a habit and form of therapy for me.  I decided to start writing a blog as a more public way to express this obsession of mine.  Also, hopefully it will offer some more structure.  In my private journals I tend to write my thoughts without any clear order.  In this blog, I am hoping to work more with some kind of an outline, hopefully to even write engaging stories and prose.  So here is my first entry!  I’m hitting publish before I even have a chance to think it twice (spelling mistakes, grammatical mistakes, typos be damned!  At least for this first entry!).



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